At what point did assertive get translated to aggressive?
Me making the most of outdoors in winter daylight and more time on my feet after a summer lost to an Achilles rupture!
labelling behaviour ‘politely’ leads to outdated definitions.
😡 Planning training with a client, for teams handling difficult conversations, they made that point that assertiveness is a problem when someone’s getting riled and coming across harshly.
HOW BRITISH!
🧹So, let’s clear this up:
Shouting frustrations, like someone’s turned the ‘angry tap’ on and the sink’s overflowing...
Steely looks that threaten from across the boardroom table, looking like something supernatural (that doesn’t blink) in a teen movie...
Not stopping to breathe through a monologue which seems missing a stage, spotlight and orchestra ...
Cutting, in halfway through someone’s sentence, saying their name in the gruff tone you’d use to call your naughty dog back across the park...
Using their name every other word, almost as if they've forgotten it after an episode of amnesia.
It isn't assertive, isn't someone not handling emotions. Yet!
Assertive is being direct, confidently and clearly, but not dangerous with your words.
❌ If we consider overpowering behaviour to be assertive, then we’re not going to encourage assertiveness in relationship building, ‘professionalism’ (whatever that means), and customer service.
✅ You need to be assertive when:
Handling emotional situations
Dealing with difficult customers
Someone's being rude
Asking for what you deserve (like a pay rise)
Explaining the role YOU played when you're in an interview
Stopping people-pleasing
Sharing your real opinion in a meeting
Saying no to a task when you're already under crazy pressure
..The list goes on!
🌎 In my world, assertiveness is saying what you think and feel, without overthinking, being respectful, keeping your self-respect and keeping calm. No bolshiness necessary!
Assertiveness removes the emotional mess. Assertiveness doesn’t break anything, it builds. And it saves time and energy.
If you hear someone described as assertive, what comes to mind?
P.S. So that you/your team don’t shudder before ‘that talk’ but go in calmly, confidently, in control and with a smile. - see the contact page to book a 30-minute chat.
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